Here's my story...of stupidity.
So the past few weeks have been sort of tough on both my girlfriend and myself;
She's busy with getting ready for the new school year,
I'm busy working at a job that has no life-giving value and then sitting on my ass reading.
Needless to say, I know that Jenn's schedule is way more stressful.
Spending time with Jenn has been tremendously tough to say the least;
She's a PA (Or RA equivalent at other schools) for the second year in a row,
not only was it tough last year, but it presents more difficulties; more responsibility, more tireless hours of training the new PA's, and figuring out how to balance life with school and PA-ness. I am not helping in relieving this stress for her what so ever.
Lets see how I can put this...I'm a complete A** hole (my attempt at not cursing).
Jenn has been having a very hard time balancing her responsibilities with her private life
A feat that I couldn't accomplish with a thousand lifetimes and a pack of beer.
She's been frustrated to say the least and I've for sure noticed this (mainly because--and she'll admit this too--most of her aggression has been vented on me in one form or another) but I don't blame her...I remember how tough being a PA is.
Anywho, last night we stopped in my room for a bit and she closed the door at one point and we sat down on my bed (think a talk is coming...yep you'd be right).
So the discussion begins with tears and a "confession" to being irritable for the past week and taking it out on me.
At first I'm trying to comfort her but then comes a question something like this;
"have you noticed this?" or "what do you think about this?"
Obviously I don't remember exactly which isn't a good thing, but here's the storm to come.
Rather than taking some time to further comfort her and try and help her feel better...
I spent the next few minutes telling her that yes, she has been taking stuff out on me,
and yes, she has been slightly off all week
and yes, I don't know what the hell's been going on...but I feel like you've been a little cold with me lately (that's just a...we'll say summary or guess at the approximation of the stupid shit I said to make her feel even worse).
At that moment I don't think I could've made her feel worse than if she had run over a box of orphan kittens with bows tied around their heads...I felt that much like a dousche.
However, I didn't know that I was a total dousche until I woke up in the middle of the night due to a dream about an effing huge spider on my wall (I'm thinking that this was some sort of dream that I get only when I feel shitty about something I've done)
Ok so here's the scoop...
I don't think there's anything I could say right now to make her feel better,
I don't feel like she has any reason to forgive me and I honestly don't blame her,
I wish I could take it all back because I love her with all my heart (though the way I acted you would probably never know this)
I just want to make things right...
So the past few weeks have been sort of tough on both my girlfriend and myself;
She's busy with getting ready for the new school year,
I'm busy working at a job that has no life-giving value and then sitting on my ass reading.
Needless to say, I know that Jenn's schedule is way more stressful.
Spending time with Jenn has been tremendously tough to say the least;
She's a PA (Or RA equivalent at other schools) for the second year in a row,
not only was it tough last year, but it presents more difficulties; more responsibility, more tireless hours of training the new PA's, and figuring out how to balance life with school and PA-ness. I am not helping in relieving this stress for her what so ever.
Lets see how I can put this...I'm a complete A** hole (my attempt at not cursing).
Jenn has been having a very hard time balancing her responsibilities with her private life
A feat that I couldn't accomplish with a thousand lifetimes and a pack of beer.
She's been frustrated to say the least and I've for sure noticed this (mainly because--and she'll admit this too--most of her aggression has been vented on me in one form or another) but I don't blame her...I remember how tough being a PA is.
Anywho, last night we stopped in my room for a bit and she closed the door at one point and we sat down on my bed (think a talk is coming...yep you'd be right).
So the discussion begins with tears and a "confession" to being irritable for the past week and taking it out on me.
At first I'm trying to comfort her but then comes a question something like this;
"have you noticed this?" or "what do you think about this?"
Obviously I don't remember exactly which isn't a good thing, but here's the storm to come.
Rather than taking some time to further comfort her and try and help her feel better...
I spent the next few minutes telling her that yes, she has been taking stuff out on me,
and yes, she has been slightly off all week
and yes, I don't know what the hell's been going on...but I feel like you've been a little cold with me lately (that's just a...we'll say summary or guess at the approximation of the stupid shit I said to make her feel even worse).
At that moment I don't think I could've made her feel worse than if she had run over a box of orphan kittens with bows tied around their heads...I felt that much like a dousche.
However, I didn't know that I was a total dousche until I woke up in the middle of the night due to a dream about an effing huge spider on my wall (I'm thinking that this was some sort of dream that I get only when I feel shitty about something I've done)
Ok so here's the scoop...
I don't think there's anything I could say right now to make her feel better,
I don't feel like she has any reason to forgive me and I honestly don't blame her,
I wish I could take it all back because I love her with all my heart (though the way I acted you would probably never know this)
I just want to make things right...
